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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 7, 2004 7:20:12 GMT -5
Finally, I have posted the last chapter of this story. My beta warned me that it is a little sappy in the end, but hey, I kind of like it that way. ;D I don't think it's too much, anyway.
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Post by kanshu on Sept 7, 2004 13:46:42 GMT -5
Read it... and it's not too sappy. Though... the hotel scene really didn't add to the story, IMO. It's a pointless sex scene... can't really say it otherwise, but that's how it felt. Pointless. Not like the well described scene of closeness that actually added to the theme earlier on - this was just pointless. Alas, that's just me. I'll leave a review on ffnet later on. All in all, this was a very worthwhile story to read. Keep up the good work.
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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 7, 2004 13:54:12 GMT -5
Hehehe. ;D Somehow I know that was exactly how you were going to react. About pointless I mean. And I can see your point, but I like it this way.
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Post by kanshu on Sept 8, 2004 0:41:28 GMT -5
Yeah... and you got a review about "sex, sex, more sex"... so It's sometimes a problem created between what I want to do as a writer, and what is good for a story. I'm running into thart same problem with 'simply Love', or with 'Slaves'. There are a couple of things that I feel belong in there... but outside of the "is that really neccessary to detail", it would go against the theme of the story. Ah well. This isn't pro-writing, is it. So I'll step back and just say "A good story".
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Post by Terra Fire on Sept 8, 2004 15:32:29 GMT -5
I'm going to have to take to indifference on the sex scene, there was really nothing wrong with it. Though there is one comment I have to say, I think that Tomi should have went out with more of a bang, but I'm glad that Hakkai didn't let her die. Anyway, this was a wonderful story. Gook work.
;}
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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 8, 2004 15:55:42 GMT -5
About the sex scene: We have a saying in Sweden - 'Smaken är som baken, delad.' That means 'The taste is like the bottom, divided.' ;D (Does that mean any sense is English? Too tired to see if this is semantic correct.) Tomi go out with more of a bang? Wasn't an attempted suicide enough bang? ;D Glad you liked it, though.
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Post by Salmastryon on Sept 8, 2004 16:01:21 GMT -5
umm......
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Post by Terra Fire on Sept 8, 2004 16:03:17 GMT -5
I mean that it was too sudden, that she should have put up more of a fight, like with her mind control thingy. But the attempt suicide, made up for it I guess.
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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 8, 2004 16:14:37 GMT -5
Salmastryon: What was your question? VG Terra: The only thing Tomi could do with her mind control was meddling with Hakkai's dreams and memories. And when she saw the judge and the sheriff she knew it was over.
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Post by Salmastryon on Sept 8, 2004 16:18:50 GMT -5
It could be just me being slow on the uptake but, I don't get it.
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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 8, 2004 16:29:17 GMT -5
The bottom is made up of two buttocks, right? It's divided. And different people have different tastes. Maybe the word divided isn't the right choice of word here, it's hard to translate some things. Did I make it any clearer?
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Post by Terra Fire on Sept 8, 2004 16:32:06 GMT -5
Oh, hehe I get it, sorry. But I don't get, the phrase either. ;}
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Post by Terra Fire on Sept 8, 2004 16:33:39 GMT -5
Yep, much clearer, thanks.
;}
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Post by Salmastryon on Sept 8, 2004 16:42:27 GMT -5
How about, "People's tastes, much like the bottom, are divided."
Does that work?
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Post by Me-Nuriko on Sept 8, 2004 16:44:27 GMT -5
How about, "People's tastes, much like the bottom, are divided." Does that work? Yeah, thanks.
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