Unlucky - Saiyuki one-shot

[kellen]

This was written as a gift for BakaBokken in a humble attempt to make her feel better (just because she is awesome).

It's my first Saiyuki fic, and it's short. It's basically just an action scene centering on Hakkai. It'll only take a few minutes to read...

*nudge*

Seriously, I'd love some con-crit on it.

www.fanfiction.net/s/2348270/1/

Hope you enjoy it!

[narrizan]

i think i reviewed this earlier when it first came out..and said simply i loved it...well because i did..but i guess you may want a little more so here's my two cents..

this is nice because it does show that our favourite know-it-all, i-never-make-a-mistake Mr Youkai!! is fallible after all. because just sometimes....just sometimes....he gets tired and i guess he really was unlucky...wrong place kind of thing.

and do you know i can just see thinking a matter of factly..Hmm I'm in some trouble...with his arms folded and chin in one hand, and talking to Hakuryu. yes yes the interaction here between youkai and dragon feels right.

the last section paragraphs round off the story nicely...even managing to make it sound reminiscent of when Hakkai first wakes up in Gojyo's place.

ok i hope that helps and perhaps more than you bargained for.