Post by kanshu on Oct 24, 2004 3:55:50 GMT -5
Yes, it really is a pain in the behind to have everything you just typed deleted. :/
As for your change ideas: Ahhh... some good thoughts, but let me help you making it a bit more special.
What you came up with is not bad, but it still has a lot of cliches, and will make them look very Mary-Suiesh.
Kanzeon will have had one of her whimsical 'stick people on earth to save it and see how they handle it' thingygummies, and the girl were also originally in heaven.
That would make them "worthy" for the Sanzo-gang. It also would give them optional extra powers or knowledge about the past - and they would have to have commited a crime/were sent on a mission to become mortals. - Keep in mind that it's considered a punishment.
Here's a thought: Have you ever heard about "The right person at the right place, at the right time"? How about if things just 'happen', and all that Kanzeon is doing is to watch? Then you'd be dealing with real girls rather than some former heaven dweller...
Good thought, but then you have Japanese names, and at least two your characters are Chinese? Or are they Japanese nationals?
What also is important: Where did they grow up? What country are they from? What kind of school?
There are a lot of differences between the cultures, and that will influence how your characters behave.
Japanese school and education aims for making the person fit into the culture 100% - there's nothing worse than being an outside, being different.
Please take a good look at your characters and then decide on "where do they come from"? - because it is what will determine their reactions in the future.
That's a good thought. It sure would feel fangirlish. But who's going to safe them when your story starts out about a year and a half before the initial meeting? The villagers? Some demons who are not insane yet? The combined powers of their cell phones?
Well, you can have them trying to lean the language while they are there and stuck. If you have two native speakers, you also have people who can translate for the other characters, plus it means that you have "pairs" until the language skills of the other two is up to par. BTW, spoken language is sometimes easier to learn than written language. Just a thought.
Naraku-style is sure evil. But you know what Sanzo's reaction would be? "It's not one of Gyuumao's assassins. This has nothing to do with us. We leave after breakfast."
Keep in mind that the mission is very important for him, he will not let anything slow them down.
Another thought here: Is that villain a local problem of your girls, or will he follow? What is the plan there, will you join the Sanzo-gang on their way to the west? If yes, keep in mind that you need transportation. The back seat row of Jeep offers a total of 1,40 meters width, and 75 cm length. There's no way four girls will fit in (no matter how scrawny their butts ) - and I somewhat doubt that Sanzo would take one of them sitting on his lap.
So... while I like the changes you made, you think you can top your own ideas?
As for your change ideas: Ahhh... some good thoughts, but let me help you making it a bit more special.
What you came up with is not bad, but it still has a lot of cliches, and will make them look very Mary-Suiesh.
Kanzeon will have had one of her whimsical 'stick people on earth to save it and see how they handle it' thingygummies, and the girl were also originally in heaven.
That would make them "worthy" for the Sanzo-gang. It also would give them optional extra powers or knowledge about the past - and they would have to have commited a crime/were sent on a mission to become mortals. - Keep in mind that it's considered a punishment.
Here's a thought: Have you ever heard about "The right person at the right place, at the right time"? How about if things just 'happen', and all that Kanzeon is doing is to watch? Then you'd be dealing with real girls rather than some former heaven dweller...
I was thinking of the girls going anime- I even drew them in my strange stick character ways. I actually did change their original names to Hinata/Yumi/Chinoi etc etc about a week ago, because I decided it was also confusing. I'm just lazy *ducks flying tomatoes and other flying vegetibibbles*
Good thought, but then you have Japanese names, and at least two your characters are Chinese? Or are they Japanese nationals?
What also is important: Where did they grow up? What country are they from? What kind of school?
There are a lot of differences between the cultures, and that will influence how your characters behave.
Japanese school and education aims for making the person fit into the culture 100% - there's nothing worse than being an outside, being different.
Please take a good look at your characters and then decide on "where do they come from"? - because it is what will determine their reactions in the future.
I will get rid of the 'must fight' bit. Perhaps it would be better if they ran/got captured, or is that too cliche? *Sanzo, save me! *
That's a good thought. It sure would feel fangirlish. But who's going to safe them when your story starts out about a year and a half before the initial meeting? The villagers? Some demons who are not insane yet? The combined powers of their cell phones?
Talking... I tried to avoid that issue in my story. They either learnt Chinese in school (it actually is an option in mine), but for two of them, it is a first language.
Well, you can have them trying to lean the language while they are there and stuck. If you have two native speakers, you also have people who can translate for the other characters, plus it means that you have "pairs" until the language skills of the other two is up to par. BTW, spoken language is sometimes easier to learn than written language. Just a thought.
As to villains, I'd love to do one Naraku-style.
Naraku-style is sure evil. But you know what Sanzo's reaction would be? "It's not one of Gyuumao's assassins. This has nothing to do with us. We leave after breakfast."
Keep in mind that the mission is very important for him, he will not let anything slow them down.
Another thought here: Is that villain a local problem of your girls, or will he follow? What is the plan there, will you join the Sanzo-gang on their way to the west? If yes, keep in mind that you need transportation. The back seat row of Jeep offers a total of 1,40 meters width, and 75 cm length. There's no way four girls will fit in (no matter how scrawny their butts ) - and I somewhat doubt that Sanzo would take one of them sitting on his lap.
So... while I like the changes you made, you think you can top your own ideas?