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Post by JeiC on Feb 5, 2005 18:37:21 GMT -5
Okay, I'm a little slow this time to ask for feedback, but I've kinda been down and out on an injury. Still not all back together, but I was wondering what people thought.
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Post by treneka on Feb 5, 2005 23:30:03 GMT -5
Sorry to hear you're injured (although it's oddly correlative to your work). Anyway, I really enjoyed your piece. It had a nice rhythm to it, for all that the subject matter did not give you all that much room to improvise. Your attention to detail and grasp of description was very nice and you achieved a good balance of cues to the various senses.
I was particularly impressed with your characterization of Ed and the sensitivity with which you stressed the priorities of his life and his understanding of his own sacrifices as brought to his attention via his clothing.
This work demonstrated that you have an excellent grasp of the mechanics of writing and the empathy of good characterization. Your vignettes are so nice that one wonders whether you might tackle something soon with a slightly more involved plot - since honestly that's the only skill not really demonstrated in this work (no fault of yours - it was a limiting subject).
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