The Great Toilet Paper Crisis

[KarotsaMused]

Merely glazed over in chapter seventeen of "The Breakroom", the Great Toilet Paper Crisis was actually a huge part of Breakroom history.

The very beginning inklings of this are archived in the latter posts of the Drinking Contest thread, but I want help in taking it further.

The Breakrooms are out of TP. Konzen has locked himself into his office with a massage chair and tons of paperwork. He finally gets the problem under control.
He decides to take measures to keep it from happening again.
Power, it seems, has gone a bit to his head.

What's he done?
How is it affecting everyone else?
What measures (if any) are going to be taken to knock Konzen off his high horse?

Spies! Betrayal! Deceit! Washroom Cleanliness!

...Yeah. Have I inspired anybody yet?

[kanshu]

First of all, you need a scene where you push Konzen over the top... maybe have him spend ten sleepless day on his massage chair, then get buried under TP while counting, because ChibiGoku runs off with a roll and Konzen has to start counting all over again...

- Konzen could establish TP trade with other breakrooms, and force his minions to smuggle the goods. Makes me wonder what he would trade, too.

- everyone has to sign for their rolls. Konzen could probably calculate the amount to the sheet of ply, so he'd maybe roll of a roll, count the sheets and rip it of. "2 rolls and 54 sheets, sign here."

- security devices! And maybe Konzen would 'hire' the one or other character he trusts not to hand out the TP as a guard.

Effects on the others:

- major annoyance in the first stages

- major despair if they run out of paper (if they can't get any extra one from a different party)

- a flourishing black market

- a tendency to hide in fiction that *does* have restrooms and TP

- a gathering, rioting, physical threat to Konzen & his guard

- Tenpou and Kenren would probably try to talk sense into 'Massage Brained' Konzen.... and they could try to make Kanzeon threaten him (which she would probably do anyway)

- if anything fails, secret missions would take place to break into the TP Vault. Depending on the type of security system installed, the results could differ.

- I doubt Konzen would let power get to his head. He's a bureaucrat, and as such, driven by the neccessity to keep things running smoothly. His main goal is making sure that the Status Q us maintained, a TP shortage (i.e. if it's based on a mistake he made) would be... freaky for that kind of person.

How to get him back to normal:

- create an even bigger problem than the TP-shortage. Then he has to reorganize himself.

- get TP

- demote Konzen, and hand the job over to Kenren - or Sanzo.

There's sure more, but I need to think about it a bit.

[KarotsaMused]

I think the most frightening sentence of that post was "...hand the job over to Kenren - or Sanzo."

...

But thank you for helping me think this through. Major points to you Methinks it shall be my weekend project. Waha.

[kanshu]

Well, Konzen would be rather annoyed, but Kenren seems to be good organized, and Sanzo does know paperwork, too, from running the monastery.

Here are a few more thoughts...

- Dr. Nii would invent something along the lines of... 'paperless cleansing' - who's going to be his first victim?
(Reminds me about that rather frightening experience in a restroom near the Netherlands... they had installed IR-movement sensors that flushed the toilet every time you moved too much. Like, when you tried to reach for the toilet paper. )

- Konzen would demand a meeting with the guys in charge of the guys responsible for the paperwork.

- One more thing about Konzen, the bureaucrat: A new form for ordering materials can play havoc, if you don't read the instructions. A true bureaucrat always reads the instructions. A true bureaucrat also will not question the usefulness of a form.
Now... after hanging out with Tenpou, Kenren and Chibi-Goku all the time, how much you think is left of the 'true bureaucrat'?

- you can have various TP-vault wannabee robbers canceling out their attempts, involunatrily. Should make a great fun scene or two.

[kanshu]

I blame this on you.

www.geocities.com/lee_fanfic/royalty.html

Raw sketch version, be warned.

[KarotsaMused]

*giggles madly* I -love- the sketch. That's absofrigginlutely hilarious!!

!! sensor toilets scare me. Every theme park around here has them, and most hotels now, too. And they'll flush when you're reaching for toilet paper, but not when you stand up to leave.

Konzen: The Adulterated Bureaucrat. (New punk rocker band name ) If I did mess the forms about he would have an interesting time with it, I'm sure. Prolly need to have someone proofread the work for him...o.O;

I think, if any attempts were made to infiltrate the Toilet Paper vault, they would have to be of the "Welcome To Collinwood" variety. Minus perhaps the part where the old man lost his pants.

[kanshu]

LOL!
Well, the sensor stuff scares me, too. It's so unpredictable. Good thing that the guys and gals in the Breakrooms don't have to deal with that, riiiight? (...until the day when Chibi-Goku clogged up the toilet beyond unclogging...)

You know... you could force Konzen into using a computer terminal for ordering stuff. I mean, he's just used to paper. He hasn't seen anything but paper forms in eons. From training personell with computers, I know that the more you are thinking that the computer is a tool of evil, the more frustrating and scaring the experience becomes...

[KarotsaMused]

I think the only major problem with using computer ordering is, in fact, internet connection. Because sooner or later it would be found. Plus that, I'm seven pages in and he's been using paper. He's going to continue to use paper 'Cause Karot's lazy like that lol. There's plenty else to be amused about...I hope.

It is, as of right now, chaos. The Kou-tachi, Gaiden guys, and Sanzo-ikkou have gotten embroiled thus far...and some of the OC union workers, too. The safe door was very heavy. And Konzen's massage chair is close to having a short circuit. Cue literal and figurative fireworks

[kanshu]

ROFLOL!

I'm *so* looking forward to that story.

Seven pages, whooo!

And to see tham all interact will be great.

[KarotsaMused]

It's a major headache for me, but I think I'm getting on well enough. I still giggle, and that's all that matters

[kanshu]

Will the TPC be a part of the Breakroom novel, or get its own place on the stack?

[KarotsaMused]

Oh, it will most definitely be its own one-shot, sort of like the Flock of Wonders that came between "Eights and Aces" and "Blackjack" ... Tied in with the storyline and coherent when read in conjunction with "Breakroom", but not a part of the chapter orientation. Chronologically, it wouldn't work, because the TP Crisis happened between the end of the installation-of-speakerbox episode and the beginning of the next. Plus, it's getting to be insanely long ;D I may break it into chapters for the sake of your scrollbar.

But I'll definitely denote it... The summary will have a reference to "Breakroom" in a sort of read-that-first fashion.

[kanshu]

Nothing wrong with insanely long toilet paper

It's good to see you enjoying that little idea so much.
Though, you could always let it run parrallel to the Breakroom... unless of coure, it is PG-13 ratable... in which case I would really just let it go as a stand-alone.

[therhoda]

Now something that hasn't been mentioned. Is it good TP or bad TP? the difference is a key point. As we all know really, really cheap TP is not worth fighting over. If you have been camping anywhere with your family you know the lengths gone to when getting GOOD TP.

Also I think more should be said about the OC Union.

How has Ni got out of his floor?

These questions brought to you by crazed person with a bad case of controller thumb from Star Ocean.

[KarotsaMused]

TP Crisis is now online. It's just a one-shot, rated R for language and exceedingly crude humor. Hey, talk about toilets around Gojyo and Kenren, and that's what you get.

I'll work on talking about the OC Union for you, therhoda. It's kind of nebulous to me right now, though
As for Nii, he's worked out a manipulation of the double doors. I'll go into it later. Waha.